TILA TEQUILA: "THE FINAL ROUND" RECAP

Last Night on A Shot at Love The Final Round, all the contestants are assembled together for the first time since taping the season. Everyone is getting rowdy at the beginning. Wow, there are a lot of contestants. I'm going to have trouble keeping them straight (ha!) so forgive me if I'm slow with their names. As everyone is getting introduced, Amanda seems to be the only one cheering for herself. Scout, Chaos and Alex are not in attendance, and Brandi is backstage, waiting for her chance to bitch-slap Vanessa.

The virgins are still virgins, even after the show. Yeah, right.

Lala defends her choice for leaving the competition after finding out Tila's bisexuality. Marcus and male Ashley immediately get into a brawl. Marcus is yelling, “It's a reunion,” over and over. While that's definitely an irrefutable statement, I'm not sure what he means by it. Then, blowup sex dolls get tossed around because those are always fun. Domenico gets ahold of one and snuggles with it.

Michael B brought a date with him. It's his mom. Um, that's just weird. She says that it was great watching him grow up on TV, but it was tough for her to watch the ball-waxing.

Before the first commercial, Ashley makes a plug for Virgin Mobile by recapping his meltdown during his time on A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. It's nice to see that he can make fun of himself now.

Now, we are treated to a montage of confessional backstabbing. Everyone has something bad to say about everyone else. Everyone hates Ashli's B.O. All the girls think Steven is Podunk. Onstage, Ashli tries to defend her funk to everyone, and Rebecca doesn't think she looks like a man. She also sounds like she just drank an entire 40.

Rebecca and Steven go up on stage to explain whether they did or they didn't. She says that they didn't have sex. But now we get some grainy night-time footage of the big bed with some hot and heavy action under the covers. Steven says that it was just back scratching. Under pressure, he confesses that he went to second base with her, but she didn't reciprocate. He also confirms that she's really a woman.

Domenico goes up on stage to talk about his journey on A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. We are shown clips from his time, like when he strutted around on in his little Italian flag bikini and G-string. Everyone hate him at first, but he grew on Tila, and on everyone else. Aww, he gets teary-eyed while watching his clips. He says that he's finally feeling accepted in America and is looking for a nice American girl. In the audience, a large, large buxom lady stands up, wanting to be notice. And Domenico confirms that he's getting his own MTV dating show called That's Amore! and he's chosen Ashley as his consigliere! Cool!

Yay! It is now time to revisit all the fights in the house, and there were a lot of them. Vanessa goes up on stage to discuss her bitchiness, saying if you can't handle the truth, then get the f--- out of her face. This means you, Brandi. (Brandi is backstage during this time.) Another thing we learn from these clips is that Vanessa really likes wearing her little thong two-piece, despite having no waist to speak of. Clips of the catfight are shown over and over, and then in slo-mo. It's kind of awesome. Vanessa says that the day after she got eliminated, she got a call from Brandi who apparently said that she wants to be with Vanessa. Backstage, Brandi shakes her head no, and then comes out on stage, Jerry Spring-style. Brandi turns the Final Round into a PSA about drinking, and then also denies about not knowing whether she wanted to be with men or women, and she also denies that she wanted Vanessa to wait for her in California. Vanessa leaves the stage in tears, insisting that Brandi is still lying to her. Backstage, Vanessa lets loose a maelstrom of profanity against Brandi. Sadly, there will be no reprise of the catfight.

It's crying time now. We see clips of all the times the contestants cried. Krystal appreciates the show for allowing her family to understand more what it means to be gay.

It's finally time for Tila to arrive. She comes out with a cute haircut, a ridiculously short gold lamé dress and stripper heels. She's followed shortly by Dani, who looks awesome. I love her dimples. Tila tries to explain why she didn't pick Dani, saying that it was because she didn't want to be the one to take her out of her steady life, which nobody buys.

Now it's time for Bobby to come out and meet Tila for the first time in two months. Um, get a room, you two. Bobby looks very, very orange. He says that it was hard watching Tila ho it up with the other contestants all season.

The show ends with the announcement that Tila Tequila will be hosting MTV's New Year's Eve celebration. And then they all have a big group toast. To A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila!

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